Here we go, another lesson in my favorite topic (insert sarcasm here!).......
Humility!
Just when I thought I was getting the hang of self-confidence, being self aware and not getting too haughty, I find myself sitting in the dirt wondering where I've gone wrong! Actually it was a picnic table with tear filled eyes, afraid to talk to anyone for fear of outright crying, until I was able to compose myself to the whole situation. Here I am an adult (age dictates this) and I can't help but feel so totally abandoned, but not by anyone except myself. I did this, I put myself in this position. There is no one responsible for this outcome except me! To make it all worthwhile I have to find the lesson in it as to not see the whole thing as a waste of time, effort, money, effort, and time!
So the story goes....
Last year I read a book and found out about a whole new world of running. Some of it was about minimalism in foot wear, a bit of spirituality, camaraderie, and the world of ultra running. I am convinced that this is something meant for me to try. Why? Mostly I feel that it is because I cannot run fast, so I wonder how far I could go. That was August of 2009, which initially was more about loosing interest in the typical running shoe, but then leads into finding out more and more about the ultra runs. It sounds so incredible to even think that running farther than a marathon would be on a list of things to do, but it is on mine. It still sounds incredible to me because I had the opportunity and I blew it! Going in with a wrong attitude will do this to me each and every time!
I began exploring the worlds of ultras on line, reading blogs and following up on some of the neat names there are; Pick your Poison, Dirty Girls, Vulture Bait (I fell in love with its' name and had to go), and so many others. So in the early summer G and I decided we would sign up and go in the fall, we had several months to train (ad hoc train as we have families) and there was a marathon before to keep us looking forward. We worked hard and were able to overcome many obstacles in our path along the journey. We dragged our families on a road trip to Alberta for a run, we fit in training, we found and ran a marathon along the way, all to get ready for Vulture Bait!
Three weeks ago G was not feeling well, found out 5 days before our first 50km ultra (all trail) that she had pneumonia, and with her antibiotics in hand she (and her awesome and very supportive husband) were going to come down and cheer us (my husband and myself) on. Deciding to run the first half of the first 25km loop, we had a great time on trail. B had up and went on his quick merry way, and we mosied at a nice pace which left us tripping over tree roots and rocks. Of course as we would almost fall, bruised our feet, and sometimes did hit the ground, we found it all interesting and amusing. G ran almost 8 miles to find her husband along the route ready to get her off the trail, so as not to injure her lungs, commenting that this run is an automatic do-over next year! On I ran, making sure to keep my eyes on the ground. The next 5 miles I was just trying to keep my form together, picking up my feet instead of swinging them forward because there were many hidden tree roots and rocks that jutted out of the ground, but were covered in leaves and so you didn't see any of them. I found it hard to look for the trail and keep my eyes on the pathways, but it was something that I became better at as I went along. I found myself hitting the ground at 9.2 miles, and was happily suprised that I hadn't hurt myself too badly, just a bit of dirt on the knees and hands. It was a few miles later I think I lost 'it'. I saw that at 13.1 miles I was over the time I had wanted to be at, as a matter of fact I was sitting at my worst half marathon time ever! Including Pincher Creek! By ten minutes!!! To make it even worse somewhere between the 13.1 mile and the 15.7 mile (halfway) I slowed down enough that I did not make the cut off time and was pulled from continuing. I thought about just going out on my own, but when the chip timer came off my leg it was like I had just been stuck with a pin and all the desire to continue went out of me, I was deflated! The only other time I had felt like this was last winter when we had been getting ready for an interesting run across lake Winnipeg that was cancelled the night before the run because the weather was too nice. Trying to accomplish a goal for a new distance was so difficult, I was deflated, but because there were others I found that I went, and ran, accomplishing the goal of distance (our first 17 miler). Here I couldn't, actually I thought that I was alright for a moment, then it really hit me, I had so much more in me and no where to put it. Where did I loose my head? More importantly, where did I loose my heart along the trail?
G always comments on how my head is in the right place for these things, as I find my strength in my faith. I like to rely on God for the strength that I don't have, and He gets the credit for the strength that I do have, for without Him I have nothing. I had so many things going on that I left my spirit out of this run, and it cost me a finish. This is my first DNF.
I found myself going into this run feeling completely prepared (for the distance) as I had read that to complete your first ultra you should have 3 full marathons under your belt. I had this, 1st in may, my 2nd in June and my 3rd in September, I was ready, especially as my 3rd was 6 min better that the 2 previous times, gotta love speed work. I had all my supplies, electrolyte juice, gels...... forgot to take my spirit along.
Isaiah 2:12 The Lord Almighty has a day in store for all the proud and lofty, for all that is exalted (and they will be humbled)......2:17 The arrogance of man will be brought low and the pride of men humbled; the Lord alone will be exalted in that day......2:22 Stop trusting in man, who has put a breath in his nostrils. Of what account is he?
This probably wouldn't stand out so much, but in bible study this is a passage I had just finished going over. The pride of men who wanted to not be bothered with God, wanted to trust in themselves, or each other. Isn't it ironic? Now I hate to admit to this, as I have only gone as far as mentioning to a couple who know me well, but my arrogance got the better of me and just before my pride was brought low, a foolish comment went through my head, "thanks Lord for meeting me here, I've just done the first half, the rest is up to You..." Can you see where I went wrong? I had tried to do this on my own! I had left my very heart at home. I have been humbled, and in this lesson, I have found my heart again. I plan to take it with me, with every one of my steps along the road. If I keep it close, and hold on tight to it, I will hopefully not put it down again to leave it behind.
It has been two weeks and I have struggled to find the reasoning behind my loss of strength, and it has been a hard lesson to face, but that is all. So now I'm looking forward to the next one, the one I will pack my spirit for, the one where I will rely fully on God to get me to and through. As a parent disciplines its children they also give comfort.
Isaiah 49:13 Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.
So I will take my pride, all battered and bruised, and I will put it to rest; I will leave it alone to hopefully dry up and shrivel into nothing, remembering that I can do nothing without my God. And when I forget this, I will once again experience the lesson that will bring me back to where I need to be, closer to my Father.
With that I will give thanks to my Lord for the awesome experience of travelling with my awesome husband, for the time we had together, for the longest trail run I have ever accomplished, for the experience of that trail (almost spelled trial here?) for a now healthy running partner, and of course for the well being of my children and family who took care of them while we were gone.
Have a great weekend!
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
It takes a village....
So I've been thinking about our western society and how we have grown to live in our nuclear family. When I really consider the history behind how we have gotten to where we are, I feel that it looks like a rebellious child who seems very much like the prodigal son. There was a time where we lived with our extended family, there was a time where we learned from our elders. There was a time where our elders were held in HIGH esteem, and they were respected as wise teachers. Lately I' feel like some where along the way we have really lost this, our throw away society has also started throwing away people. A bit of me has to wonder if the dementia and Alzheimer's issues are coming from the lack of use of the knowledge stored. I know that is not really the way it is, but a part of me wonders as not using a muscle will usually lead to it atrophying.
The saying is "It takes a village to raise a child". I do believe this as I find it helpful when I 'm able to find comfort and advise in friends and mentors who have 'been there done that'. I've been thinking about this allot lately as I have been listening to the struggles of mothers who are turning to 'happy pills' because it is hard to find support for the seemingly 'off the wall' decision to be a stay at home mom. Years ago I remember that moms got together (not just on the computer) and did things with their kids together. Moms got to talk, connect and grow as parents; learn new skills from each other and share experiences, as did the kids who would run off to the park together to play. Currently we don't see as much of this for so many reasons. It sometimes take two incomes to achieve what we think we would like. There is (unfortunately) little value placed where there is no paycheck. As a society (not all of us think this way, but if you ask around it is surprising to see how many do) we value the money that is made, not just as a way to provide for our families, but as the status marker of our self-worth. Sort of sad to think that someone who devotes their time to selfless acts helping others, and who may not get paid for it is most often looked upon as 'not as valuable'.
With a bit of reading I have found it interesting how I've been able to change my paradigm.There have been several books and many conversations over the past year to really get this going, one of which was becoming a minimalist runner. This has led to seeing the need for over-abundance programmed into our lifestyle, the need to consume..... lots! I've been able to really check out what I think my needs really are, put my wants into perspective, and hopefully raise my kids with a bit of a different take on how the world works. Or at least, how it could work.
I am finding it interesting to see that there are other cultures who revere their elders and they live in an extended family where the young adults learn from the experienced ones. This seems especially helpful when there are children involved, as I know my mother was much more patient and relaxed around my children than I am. She was also not shy to call other children on their behaviour when it was necessary and they were about to get themselves hurt. I sometimes wonder if she thought anything about what others might think. Did she care that someone might be offended that she corrected a child that was not hers? I like to think that she didn't, that she was strong enough in her convictions of what is right that it would not matter to her what others thought. (I still live in my own little bubble sometimes!) I want to see this in myself, I want to be that person who would get involved. There are a few close friends where we can correct each others children, but I think I can remember a time where I would have been afraid if ANY adult was around that I would get in trouble. This doesn't seem to be a concern for today's children at all.
As our society seems to be developing we are pulling away from each other and are connecting less and less physically with each other. There was a time where we bought our food from the farmer, meet from a butcher, and so on. This year was the first time I had done so many things, bought food from the farmer at the farmers market, went to a butcher to find meet, bought meet from a farmer at the farmers market. I found it interesting that there are people who can attach me to my food, not just a store that I can go and not even see a person at the check out if I don't want to. So much 'connecting' is done 'online' that there doesn't need to be any real relationship made between those communicating. Not in a way that keeps us accountable. It is done in a way that keeps us from getting involved. When we are not involved and not accountable are we not responsible?
I was listening to a sermon this past week at found a passage from the time of the early church where people are living in a community closely enough that they are often eating together (probably in small groups) and sharing all that they have. When one was in need then someone else provided it, even if they had to sell off their own stuff to provide it!
Acts 2:45-46
And they sold their possessions (both their land and their movable goods) and distributed the price among all, according as any had need. And day after day they regularly assembled in the temple with united purpose, and in their homes they broke bread [including the Lords' Supper]. They partook of their food with gladness and simplicity and generous hearts,
That seems like a pretty awesome family support system. I like to see the part where they eat with gladness, which tells me they are really enjoying their food, they are eating consciously, and this is not what we seem to do today with our food and sometimes even with our living. Being aware of our choices take purposeful thought about what we are doing and why we are doing it. It is interesting to me that I can go through a day where I've done things on auto-pilot. Again, something to learn from and be aware of.
Of course now I seem to have rambled enough I should finally post this to hold myself accountable to the thoughts that invade my brain.
The saying is "It takes a village to raise a child". I do believe this as I find it helpful when I 'm able to find comfort and advise in friends and mentors who have 'been there done that'. I've been thinking about this allot lately as I have been listening to the struggles of mothers who are turning to 'happy pills' because it is hard to find support for the seemingly 'off the wall' decision to be a stay at home mom. Years ago I remember that moms got together (not just on the computer) and did things with their kids together. Moms got to talk, connect and grow as parents; learn new skills from each other and share experiences, as did the kids who would run off to the park together to play. Currently we don't see as much of this for so many reasons. It sometimes take two incomes to achieve what we think we would like. There is (unfortunately) little value placed where there is no paycheck. As a society (not all of us think this way, but if you ask around it is surprising to see how many do) we value the money that is made, not just as a way to provide for our families, but as the status marker of our self-worth. Sort of sad to think that someone who devotes their time to selfless acts helping others, and who may not get paid for it is most often looked upon as 'not as valuable'.
With a bit of reading I have found it interesting how I've been able to change my paradigm.There have been several books and many conversations over the past year to really get this going, one of which was becoming a minimalist runner. This has led to seeing the need for over-abundance programmed into our lifestyle, the need to consume..... lots! I've been able to really check out what I think my needs really are, put my wants into perspective, and hopefully raise my kids with a bit of a different take on how the world works. Or at least, how it could work.
I am finding it interesting to see that there are other cultures who revere their elders and they live in an extended family where the young adults learn from the experienced ones. This seems especially helpful when there are children involved, as I know my mother was much more patient and relaxed around my children than I am. She was also not shy to call other children on their behaviour when it was necessary and they were about to get themselves hurt. I sometimes wonder if she thought anything about what others might think. Did she care that someone might be offended that she corrected a child that was not hers? I like to think that she didn't, that she was strong enough in her convictions of what is right that it would not matter to her what others thought. (I still live in my own little bubble sometimes!) I want to see this in myself, I want to be that person who would get involved. There are a few close friends where we can correct each others children, but I think I can remember a time where I would have been afraid if ANY adult was around that I would get in trouble. This doesn't seem to be a concern for today's children at all.
As our society seems to be developing we are pulling away from each other and are connecting less and less physically with each other. There was a time where we bought our food from the farmer, meet from a butcher, and so on. This year was the first time I had done so many things, bought food from the farmer at the farmers market, went to a butcher to find meet, bought meet from a farmer at the farmers market. I found it interesting that there are people who can attach me to my food, not just a store that I can go and not even see a person at the check out if I don't want to. So much 'connecting' is done 'online' that there doesn't need to be any real relationship made between those communicating. Not in a way that keeps us accountable. It is done in a way that keeps us from getting involved. When we are not involved and not accountable are we not responsible?
I was listening to a sermon this past week at found a passage from the time of the early church where people are living in a community closely enough that they are often eating together (probably in small groups) and sharing all that they have. When one was in need then someone else provided it, even if they had to sell off their own stuff to provide it!
Acts 2:45-46
And they sold their possessions (both their land and their movable goods) and distributed the price among all, according as any had need. And day after day they regularly assembled in the temple with united purpose, and in their homes they broke bread [including the Lords' Supper]. They partook of their food with gladness and simplicity and generous hearts,
That seems like a pretty awesome family support system. I like to see the part where they eat with gladness, which tells me they are really enjoying their food, they are eating consciously, and this is not what we seem to do today with our food and sometimes even with our living. Being aware of our choices take purposeful thought about what we are doing and why we are doing it. It is interesting to me that I can go through a day where I've done things on auto-pilot. Again, something to learn from and be aware of.
Of course now I seem to have rambled enough I should finally post this to hold myself accountable to the thoughts that invade my brain.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
on to the run!
I have been told that to weigh a decision, you should use peace as your measure. After signing up for the run this weekend, I have been at peace. The turmoil about whether this was the right thing to do or not has come to an end, I am very much looking forward to trying to accomplish this distance once again. Apparently there are only 4 days to go!
So onto other things, like getting that peace in other parts of my life.
So onto other things, like getting that peace in other parts of my life.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Fear, trust, & a control freak
I'm facing, fear I think? It is interesting the opportunities that arise, doors that open, and all the like phrases. Disappointment of not being able to run a race that I had planned seems to have taken my training and made it a bit less important in the scheme of life priorities. Now an opportunity has presented itself, and I may be able to run after all.
If I trust in my faith and the strength that I know will come from above, than I have nothing to fear. Lately trust is something that has been evasive. Maybe I am finding it hard to trust so much in God's hands, I am a bit of a control freak. I know He can handle it all, but it is so very hard to give it over. There is so much going on, and yet nothing is really happening, but not much can happen until some decisions are made and I don't think the requirements have been met for any decision to be made yet.... limbo seems to describe it well. The waiting, and not being in control of anything. This is one of those lessons I think I'm to be learning. Personally I think I'm doing well with this one, considering I'm a bit of a control freak. So here is what I will hold onto this weekend:
Proverbs 3:5 "Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding." 3:6"In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths."
So I have signed up for the run I had resigned myself to not run (I was supporting my husbands need to get in the marathon run), and I will rely on Gods' strength to get me through to the finish. I will no longer question 'why' the opportunity has presented itself, I will just be thankful and say yes. I will be very thankful!
Have a great weekend everyone!
If I trust in my faith and the strength that I know will come from above, than I have nothing to fear. Lately trust is something that has been evasive. Maybe I am finding it hard to trust so much in God's hands, I am a bit of a control freak. I know He can handle it all, but it is so very hard to give it over. There is so much going on, and yet nothing is really happening, but not much can happen until some decisions are made and I don't think the requirements have been met for any decision to be made yet.... limbo seems to describe it well. The waiting, and not being in control of anything. This is one of those lessons I think I'm to be learning. Personally I think I'm doing well with this one, considering I'm a bit of a control freak. So here is what I will hold onto this weekend:
Proverbs 3:5 "Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding." 3:6"In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths."
So I have signed up for the run I had resigned myself to not run (I was supporting my husbands need to get in the marathon run), and I will rely on Gods' strength to get me through to the finish. I will no longer question 'why' the opportunity has presented itself, I will just be thankful and say yes. I will be very thankful!
Have a great weekend everyone!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
So out on my run this morning I had some different thoughts, which seemed to make sense at the time. Now that I have the time to try and write them down, I'm hoping they still continue to make sense.
Thinking back to the beginning of the world, Adam and Eve. (Yes it's gonna be one of those ramblings) They get kicked out of the garden for disobedience, just that pure and simple. They disobeyed God. Given everything, they chose to not listen to the instruction given. They get everything, want for nothing, and yet after a simple planting of an idea, they suddenly seem to want more, actually they want for the one thing they are instructed they should not have. Hm mm, I think too much of this sounds too familiar! Obedience is something I think we, I, will struggle with for too long a time. This got me to thinking about a few other things though...
Food, yes, the food we eat.
Genesis 1:29-30 Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground- everything that has the breath of life in it- I give every green plant for food." And it was so.
Everything we need was given to us. God has provided for us what we need, and in our greed we cry out for more. (In the beginning it was the promise of knowledge that led to the choice of disobedience) Then later, in our greed, we have hoarded our food and resources, not sharing with our neighbours (other countries). Not even sharing medicines which are in abundance for some and for others it is scarce.
When Adam and Eve get kicked from the garden they then had to provide for themselves, God of course had made sure that they were given all the things they needed to provide for themselves, they just had to work for it now. This carries us to the present where we have done everything in the western world to make our lives easier. This also includes our food and how we choose to eat these days.
We have created for ourselves the busy lifestyles to provide for our families. What are we providing for our families? This is something that has recently been on my mind. Aside from the basics of food (what we now are calling food), clothing, and shelter, there are so many other things we have stuffed into the need category that are really wants. First I think I will return to the food. We are feeding ourselves and our families stuffs that our great grandparents would never recognize. So many things are processed that many kids don't know what some vegetables look like. I am in such a hurry to get to the next place, to do the next thing, that I am feeding my family in the car (there have been too many pizza picnics in the car this year), eating has become so much less than what it was. There is no cooking and eating as a family anymore (for the majority of our western society). There are lessons not being passed down from one generation to another because we are relying on technology to fill the gaps. Who needs to cook with MC Donald's around the corner? Or there is always the local pizzas place, (there are two specifically that we, as a family, frequent). As kids these were novelties, now they are the norm.
My eyes were really opened this year on our summer vacation, as I had the chance to sit and talk with my sister we discovered that our mother didn't know how to eat much better either. She thought that she was eating healthy, diet everything, low fat everything and she would really watch her portions; yet she remained overweight. Here we were a few years after our mom's death and we are in a discussion about our eating habits, and what we learned from our mom. In retrospect we see how her baking was allot from scratch, with a whole lot of white flour and white processed sugar, and many of our dinners came from the boxed or canned meals or time saver meal making things. I find this interesting because I'm wondering where my homemaking skills are. I'm a terrible homemaker! Although I am learning, very slowly, as to what needs to be changed in our family lifestyle for our household to work; in a healthy way. My sister also discovered that she also needed to make some changes over the past few years as well. Her changes also came in the form of foods and healthy fresh choices. This takes time though! To purchase a fresh vegetable you then need to go home, chop, and cook it. This is a lost art for many, and I am one of them. With all the running around though it is hard to find the time to MAKE our food, to sit and have a meal with each other, to even get to the store to get the food in the first place. Asparagus was cooked in my home for the very first time this year, as well as beets.
One of the books that I found hard to read this year was Michael Poland's' "In Defence Of Food". This was an amazing book which has started my journey into a new though pattern when it comes to the food I am eating and feeding to my family. The way I see labels on our food now is read completely differently, and I am more likely to read the ingredients than just the so-called nutrition label. Nutrition on the whole is now viewed differently after this book. I have also found "The Eat Clean Diet" by Tosca Reno to be helpful, and "Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution" (by Jamie Oliver) also to help me down this road of actual food and not just 'imitation foods'.
Now just to take a small break and connect this up with some earlier thoughts, I want to be aware of where my info comes from, and if it is correct, then it should check along side the beliefs set out in the Bible. Truth is truth.
Proverbs 20:17 "Food gained by fraud tastes sweet to a man, but he ends up with a mouthful of gravel"
I have started to view the genetically modified foods as fraudulent, definitely sweet, not sure about the gravel in my mouth (hard, dry, salty, unsatisfying) but I would say that it does not do well in my stomach. As I think back to all the foods that were once considered 'imitation' foods I wonder how we have accepted them into our everyday lives. Then I think about what I'm going to feed my family tonight as we have sports to be at and I will need to return to work, and there is a window of 20 minutes where we will sit and eat, and I answer this question as I pick up the phone and call to order the pizza for dinner. The process of changing one's lifestyle is a journey which will take more time than I would like and efforts that have yet to be discovered, the process of changing one's FAMILY lifestyle will be an adventure of unknown challenges. Although that is what it is going to take to keep my kids growing healthy, both physically and spiritually.
After all these books, I have come to the conclusion that they seem to hold up well in their information to lead me towards a Truth. I am going to try to use a personal standard of the Bible as a guide to make decisions by when I look into how the best possible way it is that I can change my families lifestyle to. Baby steps to start on the new road, hoping to not get sidetracked along the way.
It has become very interesting how our education has been directed towards the process of consuming, more than it has towards caring. Our foods are marketed as healthy and whole, quick and easy, when really they are not as healthy or whole. They have been pieced together for us with a little nutrition added, a vitamin here a mineral there. I find it an awakening to be able to view what I have been taught, (still relating to foods here) as wrong information. It is freeing to find out there are so many other options for how we can raise our families, how we will feed them. The social norm does not have to be our norm, and there are others out there. We don't have to consume as machines droning on in our activities of everyday, we can enjoy the journey, stopping to take the time to make things as simple (actually not so simple for some of us) as cooking dinner together an event, not just a process of consuming.
So here's to life and living to the fullest of our days.
Thinking back to the beginning of the world, Adam and Eve. (Yes it's gonna be one of those ramblings) They get kicked out of the garden for disobedience, just that pure and simple. They disobeyed God. Given everything, they chose to not listen to the instruction given. They get everything, want for nothing, and yet after a simple planting of an idea, they suddenly seem to want more, actually they want for the one thing they are instructed they should not have. Hm mm, I think too much of this sounds too familiar! Obedience is something I think we, I, will struggle with for too long a time. This got me to thinking about a few other things though...
Food, yes, the food we eat.
Genesis 1:29-30 Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground- everything that has the breath of life in it- I give every green plant for food." And it was so.
Everything we need was given to us. God has provided for us what we need, and in our greed we cry out for more. (In the beginning it was the promise of knowledge that led to the choice of disobedience) Then later, in our greed, we have hoarded our food and resources, not sharing with our neighbours (other countries). Not even sharing medicines which are in abundance for some and for others it is scarce.
When Adam and Eve get kicked from the garden they then had to provide for themselves, God of course had made sure that they were given all the things they needed to provide for themselves, they just had to work for it now. This carries us to the present where we have done everything in the western world to make our lives easier. This also includes our food and how we choose to eat these days.
We have created for ourselves the busy lifestyles to provide for our families. What are we providing for our families? This is something that has recently been on my mind. Aside from the basics of food (what we now are calling food), clothing, and shelter, there are so many other things we have stuffed into the need category that are really wants. First I think I will return to the food. We are feeding ourselves and our families stuffs that our great grandparents would never recognize. So many things are processed that many kids don't know what some vegetables look like. I am in such a hurry to get to the next place, to do the next thing, that I am feeding my family in the car (there have been too many pizza picnics in the car this year), eating has become so much less than what it was. There is no cooking and eating as a family anymore (for the majority of our western society). There are lessons not being passed down from one generation to another because we are relying on technology to fill the gaps. Who needs to cook with MC Donald's around the corner? Or there is always the local pizzas place, (there are two specifically that we, as a family, frequent). As kids these were novelties, now they are the norm.
My eyes were really opened this year on our summer vacation, as I had the chance to sit and talk with my sister we discovered that our mother didn't know how to eat much better either. She thought that she was eating healthy, diet everything, low fat everything and she would really watch her portions; yet she remained overweight. Here we were a few years after our mom's death and we are in a discussion about our eating habits, and what we learned from our mom. In retrospect we see how her baking was allot from scratch, with a whole lot of white flour and white processed sugar, and many of our dinners came from the boxed or canned meals or time saver meal making things. I find this interesting because I'm wondering where my homemaking skills are. I'm a terrible homemaker! Although I am learning, very slowly, as to what needs to be changed in our family lifestyle for our household to work; in a healthy way. My sister also discovered that she also needed to make some changes over the past few years as well. Her changes also came in the form of foods and healthy fresh choices. This takes time though! To purchase a fresh vegetable you then need to go home, chop, and cook it. This is a lost art for many, and I am one of them. With all the running around though it is hard to find the time to MAKE our food, to sit and have a meal with each other, to even get to the store to get the food in the first place. Asparagus was cooked in my home for the very first time this year, as well as beets.
One of the books that I found hard to read this year was Michael Poland's' "In Defence Of Food". This was an amazing book which has started my journey into a new though pattern when it comes to the food I am eating and feeding to my family. The way I see labels on our food now is read completely differently, and I am more likely to read the ingredients than just the so-called nutrition label. Nutrition on the whole is now viewed differently after this book. I have also found "The Eat Clean Diet" by Tosca Reno to be helpful, and "Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution" (by Jamie Oliver) also to help me down this road of actual food and not just 'imitation foods'.
Now just to take a small break and connect this up with some earlier thoughts, I want to be aware of where my info comes from, and if it is correct, then it should check along side the beliefs set out in the Bible. Truth is truth.
Proverbs 20:17 "Food gained by fraud tastes sweet to a man, but he ends up with a mouthful of gravel"
I have started to view the genetically modified foods as fraudulent, definitely sweet, not sure about the gravel in my mouth (hard, dry, salty, unsatisfying) but I would say that it does not do well in my stomach. As I think back to all the foods that were once considered 'imitation' foods I wonder how we have accepted them into our everyday lives. Then I think about what I'm going to feed my family tonight as we have sports to be at and I will need to return to work, and there is a window of 20 minutes where we will sit and eat, and I answer this question as I pick up the phone and call to order the pizza for dinner. The process of changing one's lifestyle is a journey which will take more time than I would like and efforts that have yet to be discovered, the process of changing one's FAMILY lifestyle will be an adventure of unknown challenges. Although that is what it is going to take to keep my kids growing healthy, both physically and spiritually.
After all these books, I have come to the conclusion that they seem to hold up well in their information to lead me towards a Truth. I am going to try to use a personal standard of the Bible as a guide to make decisions by when I look into how the best possible way it is that I can change my families lifestyle to. Baby steps to start on the new road, hoping to not get sidetracked along the way.
It has become very interesting how our education has been directed towards the process of consuming, more than it has towards caring. Our foods are marketed as healthy and whole, quick and easy, when really they are not as healthy or whole. They have been pieced together for us with a little nutrition added, a vitamin here a mineral there. I find it an awakening to be able to view what I have been taught, (still relating to foods here) as wrong information. It is freeing to find out there are so many other options for how we can raise our families, how we will feed them. The social norm does not have to be our norm, and there are others out there. We don't have to consume as machines droning on in our activities of everyday, we can enjoy the journey, stopping to take the time to make things as simple (actually not so simple for some of us) as cooking dinner together an event, not just a process of consuming.
So here's to life and living to the fullest of our days.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
It's a small world after all
What a summer it has been. There should be no complaining about the weather by any of us who don't count on it to produce our living. We have had a most awesome year of weather, from a wonderfully warm winter to an early spring and a nice hot summer. After hearing complaints about last summer, I am sure that this year was favored by many. I think we just have to get out and enjoy whatever comes our way though, really it is up to us to make the best of all that comes our way!
So the summer holidays have come and gone. Back to work and the oldest kid will soon be back to school, the youngest is back in daycare already. I have had so many awesome experiences this year, and this summer held many as well.
My eyes were really opened when we were away this year, as we drove out to the mountains. We went for a run and to see family. It was a nice road trip for us as a family, the kids did really well for a 14 hour drive... straight through. Along our travels I was disturbed to get to the end of the wilderness and found that we had not seen much wildlife at all. As a matter of fact I felt like we had just entered a horror movie, an end of the world type where the earth is dying all around us and we are not yet aware of the tragic end that is about to befall us as a species.
I guess this story starts back a few months ago when an old movie comes on TV, actually there were several, but the one I got caught up in was called "Soylent Green", staring Charlton Heston in 1973. The movie takes place in the year 2022, 12 years from now 49 years from the time the movie was actually released. Neat to find out that it won several awards in the science fiction categories for the time. This is the regular type end of the world movie in where we have killed off the green growing things as well as the animals on the planet and are trying to survive anyway we can. Water is rationed, food is rationed, strawberry jam is $150 for a 6oz. jar, few people have seen anything like lettuce or meat for that matter and soylent is the processed product everyone lives on. What really took me in this movie is where Charlton Heston's' character refers to the problem as "Global Warming". I thought that global warming was a fairly 'new' term, this movie was released in 1973! I found it surprising that 35 years ago we saw this happening to our environment enough to have it put into a movie.
We recently watched the movie "The Book of Eli", wow. Again I found that to be another powerful movie, with a similar theme, the world is desolate, people are power hungry for what food and water is left. In this the hero is travelling on a quest to preserve a book, following a vision he had.
Actually there many more of these movies in the recent years, foreshadowing our killing the earth in one way or the other. If not the earth, then at least ourselves. I'm still surprised that global warming was a term used in a 1973 film to describe the horrible state of the world and how it came to be that way!
So the summer holidays have come and gone. Back to work and the oldest kid will soon be back to school, the youngest is back in daycare already. I have had so many awesome experiences this year, and this summer held many as well.
My eyes were really opened when we were away this year, as we drove out to the mountains. We went for a run and to see family. It was a nice road trip for us as a family, the kids did really well for a 14 hour drive... straight through. Along our travels I was disturbed to get to the end of the wilderness and found that we had not seen much wildlife at all. As a matter of fact I felt like we had just entered a horror movie, an end of the world type where the earth is dying all around us and we are not yet aware of the tragic end that is about to befall us as a species.
I guess this story starts back a few months ago when an old movie comes on TV, actually there were several, but the one I got caught up in was called "Soylent Green", staring Charlton Heston in 1973. The movie takes place in the year 2022, 12 years from now 49 years from the time the movie was actually released. Neat to find out that it won several awards in the science fiction categories for the time. This is the regular type end of the world movie in where we have killed off the green growing things as well as the animals on the planet and are trying to survive anyway we can. Water is rationed, food is rationed, strawberry jam is $150 for a 6oz. jar, few people have seen anything like lettuce or meat for that matter and soylent is the processed product everyone lives on. What really took me in this movie is where Charlton Heston's' character refers to the problem as "Global Warming". I thought that global warming was a fairly 'new' term, this movie was released in 1973! I found it surprising that 35 years ago we saw this happening to our environment enough to have it put into a movie.
We recently watched the movie "The Book of Eli", wow. Again I found that to be another powerful movie, with a similar theme, the world is desolate, people are power hungry for what food and water is left. In this the hero is travelling on a quest to preserve a book, following a vision he had.
Actually there many more of these movies in the recent years, foreshadowing our killing the earth in one way or the other. If not the earth, then at least ourselves. I'm still surprised that global warming was a term used in a 1973 film to describe the horrible state of the world and how it came to be that way!
Back to our holiday.....
From Manitoba down to Pincher Creek! 14 hours!!! Nice little camp ground, some ant hills on our site so they don't mind moving us over so they can later deal with the ant problem. (environmentally, with hot water apparently) 4 nights there. A fantastic storm on the Saturday night that even the owners of our campground comment that they have never seen something that bad over their years there. Under our tent,when we moved it to dry out our tarp, we found a salamander resting comfortably in a puddle. Little did we know this was a wildlife highlight along our way. We put him back in the creek quickly so he wouldn't dry out.
A day trip to head smashed in buffalo jump, there is a sign telling all who are there to be especially aware of your small children because of the wildlife, which goes unseen. Then later to Waterton national park. We go for a walk where we find out there has been a grizzly with her cubs playing down in a ravine under a bridge and later a black bear 10 feet from a road. We stay away from the road where the black bear was, because we grew up in bear country and we know how fast they are! On our way back to our camp site we see a grizzly bear playing in a field. Stop for a quick picture (yes, we stayed in our car; those babies are bloody fast when they want to be!!) 
The next day, Monday, it is time to head out, our next stop is Lake Louise. Absolutely beautiful, the lake is so green from the glacier water it is hard to describe. I have been there a few times over the years but the beauty of the mountains never gets dull for me. We decide to camp here after a small hike around the lake. There is an electrified fence around the camp ground to keep the bears out. There is no sign of wildlife.
Tuesday morning it is time to keep moving and we are off to Jasper. Up past the waterfalls, stop to see the Columbia ice fields. This is incredible to see how fast they seem to be melting. (my awesome boys by the 2000 marker!) And continuing up to Jasper where I know we will definitely run into some elk at least. My mother in law sees a doe elk in the woods, one. Passing by the salt licks, nothing! Here there is usually some mountain goats, but not now. A night in Jasper. There is no sign of wildlife.
On our way out of Jasper, high on a mountain side I see two white spots that would be a mountain goat and her kid. That's the end of the wildlife we get to see. From Banff through Lake Louise all the way up to Jasper! Still on our way out of the park as I watch the forests and mountains pass I start to see a dead forest come into view. Maybe it isn't dead? The trees are all grey, there is grass on the ground, but nothing on the trees, there are no leaves on the ground either. The sign we pass says Talbot Lake. I am finding this very eerie, kinda like we are entering the beginning of one of those movies. 
Where has the wildlife gone? How much more of the forests are gone or going? Is our roadway that much more important than wildlife? We are actually building bridges for the wildlife to go over our roads, and culverts so they can go under our roads. This has its advantages because we don't want to create more road kill, but of course it seems silly for us to consider slowing down to let a deer pass safely. Please don't get me wrong, I do think the bridges and culverts are a great idea so wildlife can safely pass on their journeys, especially because the fences now keep them off the road ways, and they do need to migrate. As a species we seem to think that everything needs to convert to OUR way of thinking. How selfish and small minded we are. Even if God did give us charge over all the animals, He expected us to CARE for them. (Genesis 1:28)
I have had my eyes opened up over the past year, feeling very much like Neo from the movie "The Matrix". I have taken the pill (read some books) and now feel that I see the world in a different light. Not being in this more 'awakened' state I wonder if I would have noticed the lack of wildlife? Now I have the opportunity to do something about it. This year I had already decided to use my car less, get out the bike or walk. Get the kids using their bikes. Recycle more, start composting, pre-cycle even more, eat better, waste less, and the list continues. So it must continue, working on my part of this little world; hopefully bring about a better little part to infect the bigger part, and so on.
It's a small world after all!!
The next day, Monday, it is time to head out, our next stop is Lake Louise. Absolutely beautiful, the lake is so green from the glacier water it is hard to describe. I have been there a few times over the years but the beauty of the mountains never gets dull for me. We decide to camp here after a small hike around the lake. There is an electrified fence around the camp ground to keep the bears out. There is no sign of wildlife.
Tuesday morning it is time to keep moving and we are off to Jasper. Up past the waterfalls, stop to see the Columbia ice fields. This is incredible to see how fast they seem to be melting. (my awesome boys by the 2000 marker!) And continuing up to Jasper where I know we will definitely run into some elk at least. My mother in law sees a doe elk in the woods, one. Passing by the salt licks, nothing! Here there is usually some mountain goats, but not now. A night in Jasper. There is no sign of wildlife.
On our way out of Jasper, high on a mountain side I see two white spots that would be a mountain goat and her kid. That's the end of the wildlife we get to see. From Banff through Lake Louise all the way up to Jasper! Still on our way out of the park as I watch the forests and mountains pass I start to see a dead forest come into view. Maybe it isn't dead? The trees are all grey, there is grass on the ground, but nothing on the trees, there are no leaves on the ground either. The sign we pass says Talbot Lake. I am finding this very eerie, kinda like we are entering the beginning of one of those movies. Where has the wildlife gone? How much more of the forests are gone or going? Is our roadway that much more important than wildlife? We are actually building bridges for the wildlife to go over our roads, and culverts so they can go under our roads. This has its advantages because we don't want to create more road kill, but of course it seems silly for us to consider slowing down to let a deer pass safely. Please don't get me wrong, I do think the bridges and culverts are a great idea so wildlife can safely pass on their journeys, especially because the fences now keep them off the road ways, and they do need to migrate. As a species we seem to think that everything needs to convert to OUR way of thinking. How selfish and small minded we are. Even if God did give us charge over all the animals, He expected us to CARE for them. (Genesis 1:28)I have had my eyes opened up over the past year, feeling very much like Neo from the movie "The Matrix". I have taken the pill (read some books) and now feel that I see the world in a different light. Not being in this more 'awakened' state I wonder if I would have noticed the lack of wildlife? Now I have the opportunity to do something about it. This year I had already decided to use my car less, get out the bike or walk. Get the kids using their bikes. Recycle more, start composting, pre-cycle even more, eat better, waste less, and the list continues. So it must continue, working on my part of this little world; hopefully bring about a better little part to infect the bigger part, and so on.
It's a small world after all!!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
music
A quick funny thought
My husband brought out the brochure for the Treeherne Marathon "run for the hills". All morning I have Bruce Dickinson in my head singing 'Run To The Hills'. Huh! Haven't heard that song for a very long time, don't remember any words other than 'run to the hills, run for your life'. I'm not sure if I can run this one in September as we are not yet sure if we will find babysitting, but if I do I think I will have to add this song to my play list, somewhere between Casting Crowns and Newsboys.
Have a great day!
Nicole
My husband brought out the brochure for the Treeherne Marathon "run for the hills". All morning I have Bruce Dickinson in my head singing 'Run To The Hills'. Huh! Haven't heard that song for a very long time, don't remember any words other than 'run to the hills, run for your life'. I'm not sure if I can run this one in September as we are not yet sure if we will find babysitting, but if I do I think I will have to add this song to my play list, somewhere between Casting Crowns and Newsboys.
Have a great day!
Nicole
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Learning to slow down?
It has been an interesting day with so many different topics of discussions. Work is my social life for the most part. As well it is a school house where I am taught many lessons I am lucky enough to experience through others.
For myself, lessons best learned are those I get to experience myself. Although there are those that it is just as nice to learn through others mistakes. Either way life is all about learning. To stop learning is to stop growing, to stop experiencing, and really there is nothing left after we stop. Each breath is new, and to figure out how to keep that in mind has been difficult lately as I have found myself caught up in the every day life, forgetting that it is everyday LIVING that I'm going for.
Had a great walk home with my youngest yesterday. We had been at the pool and then walked (about a mile) home, but on the way we found so many awesome distractions! First a stop at the fresh fruit stand. We were needing apples, and strawberries, but after a few samples we found plums, beets (along with instructions on what to do with them), and of course cucumbers. What a grand time my three year old and I had deciding what to bring home. Then back to our walk, only to find honeysuckle flowers (or weeds?) along the way. Of course we need to stop and pick a few for some of the girls my son knows. I did not have the heart to tell him that they were not going to survive the night, it was adorable to watch him plan who was going to get which flower. Then when one was lost we had to quickly find some more to replace it. Then there was a park on the way home as well. At this point I'm thinking that we will never get home to make dinner, much less to eat, but I am determined to be LIVING and not get caught up in the everyday life of droning onto the next thing! So we stop to play for 5 min along the way, really is 5 min so bad? There are no other commitments for the evening, so 5 min is really nothing, except for the incredible experience for watching my three year old run around smiling as he gets as much sliding time in before we start back on our way home again.
Once home we get into cleaning vegetables and making dinner. What a great 40 min though! It is all in our frame of mind. I just have to remember to get out of the rushing around mode and into the enjoying the living mode. Something to think about as the week progresses and I feel like I'm being pulled. Pulled back into societies view of what should be, of what success is to 'them', of what success is suppose to look like. Redefining this is hard but I've seen it done and know it is do-able! So here we go.... off on another adventure of not caring what anyone else thinks, and ENJOYING every minute of it!!
Have a great day!
Nicole
For myself, lessons best learned are those I get to experience myself. Although there are those that it is just as nice to learn through others mistakes. Either way life is all about learning. To stop learning is to stop growing, to stop experiencing, and really there is nothing left after we stop. Each breath is new, and to figure out how to keep that in mind has been difficult lately as I have found myself caught up in the every day life, forgetting that it is everyday LIVING that I'm going for.
Had a great walk home with my youngest yesterday. We had been at the pool and then walked (about a mile) home, but on the way we found so many awesome distractions! First a stop at the fresh fruit stand. We were needing apples, and strawberries, but after a few samples we found plums, beets (along with instructions on what to do with them), and of course cucumbers. What a grand time my three year old and I had deciding what to bring home. Then back to our walk, only to find honeysuckle flowers (or weeds?) along the way. Of course we need to stop and pick a few for some of the girls my son knows. I did not have the heart to tell him that they were not going to survive the night, it was adorable to watch him plan who was going to get which flower. Then when one was lost we had to quickly find some more to replace it. Then there was a park on the way home as well. At this point I'm thinking that we will never get home to make dinner, much less to eat, but I am determined to be LIVING and not get caught up in the everyday life of droning onto the next thing! So we stop to play for 5 min along the way, really is 5 min so bad? There are no other commitments for the evening, so 5 min is really nothing, except for the incredible experience for watching my three year old run around smiling as he gets as much sliding time in before we start back on our way home again.
Once home we get into cleaning vegetables and making dinner. What a great 40 min though! It is all in our frame of mind. I just have to remember to get out of the rushing around mode and into the enjoying the living mode. Something to think about as the week progresses and I feel like I'm being pulled. Pulled back into societies view of what should be, of what success is to 'them', of what success is suppose to look like. Redefining this is hard but I've seen it done and know it is do-able! So here we go.... off on another adventure of not caring what anyone else thinks, and ENJOYING every minute of it!!
Have a great day!
Nicole
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Just some thoughts.....
So I have been reading 'Born to Run' again. I am picking up some interesting details I didn't see last time. I only began reading this past week and I am enjoying it all over again. Some things I would like to share.......
" It reminded me of a proverb attributed to Roger Bannister,....... 'Every morning in Africa a gazelle wakes up,' Bannister said'. 'It knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve. It doesn't matter whether you're a lion or a gazelle- when the sun comes up you'd better be running." pg.13 Just before this the author questions why we never see a wolf icing its knee, and after, he comments as to why we are the only mammal on the planet unable to rely on our legs.
Later on in the book (I'm not there yet this time through) the author Christopher McDougall goes on to find research showing that our bodies have the same characteristics of those animals who run. I find it interesting that God really must have a plan. He has equipped us with every thing we need. Our feet have been designed to do something awesome, carry us along our road, path, journey. He not only made us He made us very good.
"And God saw everything that He had made, and behold, it was very good and He approved it completely. And there was evening and there was morning, a sixth day." Genesis 2:31 (amplified version)
Not once does it say that He mucked up on our feet! Of course I understand that we have been given the intelligence to fix things and to be creative and we should use our brains to build and live. We were made to enjoy our lives as well, to be filled to overflowing with gladness.
"I have told you these things, that My joy and delight may be in you, and that your joy and gladness may be of full measure and complete and overflowing." John 15:11
This is what the running high is all about, I think. And it is not limited to running. I had an experience a couple of weeks ago that left me 'high' for almost two days, it was a great work out with some interesting people. It is the state of mind, or maybe the state of spirit you are in I think that determines this. For those out there in tuned with your body, mind, and spirit.... you get it. Even if you are only working on being in tuned with any of these areas, ...... you get it, or you wouldn't be working on it. There is something more to this running than just the run, isn't it great how beautifully and wonderfully made we are!
I'm not saying that running is for everyone, but the joy and gladness is for everyone in the things we were each designed to do. Each of us were designed to live with a purpose, and when that purpose is found so is the joy 'of full measure and complete and overflowing'.
I hope we all get to find this in our lives, the point where we get it. The point where it all becomes a 'runners high'. I wish you Joy.
Nicole
" It reminded me of a proverb attributed to Roger Bannister,....... 'Every morning in Africa a gazelle wakes up,' Bannister said'. 'It knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve. It doesn't matter whether you're a lion or a gazelle- when the sun comes up you'd better be running." pg.13 Just before this the author questions why we never see a wolf icing its knee, and after, he comments as to why we are the only mammal on the planet unable to rely on our legs.
Later on in the book (I'm not there yet this time through) the author Christopher McDougall goes on to find research showing that our bodies have the same characteristics of those animals who run. I find it interesting that God really must have a plan. He has equipped us with every thing we need. Our feet have been designed to do something awesome, carry us along our road, path, journey. He not only made us He made us very good.
"And God saw everything that He had made, and behold, it was very good and He approved it completely. And there was evening and there was morning, a sixth day." Genesis 2:31 (amplified version)
Not once does it say that He mucked up on our feet! Of course I understand that we have been given the intelligence to fix things and to be creative and we should use our brains to build and live. We were made to enjoy our lives as well, to be filled to overflowing with gladness.
"I have told you these things, that My joy and delight may be in you, and that your joy and gladness may be of full measure and complete and overflowing." John 15:11
This is what the running high is all about, I think. And it is not limited to running. I had an experience a couple of weeks ago that left me 'high' for almost two days, it was a great work out with some interesting people. It is the state of mind, or maybe the state of spirit you are in I think that determines this. For those out there in tuned with your body, mind, and spirit.... you get it. Even if you are only working on being in tuned with any of these areas, ...... you get it, or you wouldn't be working on it. There is something more to this running than just the run, isn't it great how beautifully and wonderfully made we are!
I'm not saying that running is for everyone, but the joy and gladness is for everyone in the things we were each designed to do. Each of us were designed to live with a purpose, and when that purpose is found so is the joy 'of full measure and complete and overflowing'.
I hope we all get to find this in our lives, the point where we get it. The point where it all becomes a 'runners high'. I wish you Joy.
Nicole
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Grateful Hearts
I have had some busy days over the past month. With busyness came so many things, but I have had the time to count blessings. I think this is important as I really believe that we have forgotten to do this as a society. Not everyone, but allot of us have.
Last Thursday I experienced a grateful heart. The entire day I could only feel ecstatic for all the wonderful people I have had the opportunity to meet. For those I've know for a while, I am thankful to have them in my life (even if I only get to see them every one or two years).
I am blessed in so many ways, a wonderful husband, two awesome kids, a great city where I can afford to live, schools my children can attend, grand parents for my kids, family I can hang out with (even the in-laws), the ability to work, the ability to play, the ability to feed my kids. It sounds like simple things, yet it has been a week of eye-opening as I run around and realize that we sometimes take these small things for granted. I have the tendency to get up-tight and frustrated with things easily and now I sometimes ask myself WHY? Is this something that really matters? Sometimes it is, and many times it does not, and so many others it can be a learning experience for both my children and myself if I choose to just not loose my temper and recognize the opportunity.
It is hard to have a grateful heart all the time, but I want to live here more. I want to experience life from this perspective more. It has to be a choice though. I was listening to a sermon the other day and she said 'it takes no effort to find the bad, you just have to wait and it will find you. You just have to do nothing for disease to find you. There is a choice involved for finding good. You have to choose health, this needs to be a conscious decision, then there needs to be an effort and an action.' How true when you think about it.
It strikes me as interesting; I find this to be a simple truth, and yet not so simple when you realize this is a choice we make every day. In the foods we eat, it does take longer to make our food rather than buy it already done. The activities we choose, taking our kids here and there (this can also be a great thing) yet we don't make the most of this time, or we don't find the time to do the activity with them. Small choices we make every day, and some of the time it is not a conscious decision it is just a habit of convenience.
This behaviour is learned in our society. We have been taught to consume and buy and to not think much further than our own comfort. It has to be a conscious decision when we stop to re-educate ourselves. I think about the movie "The Matrix". The scene where Neo is sitting in the chair and he needs to make a decision, one he can never go back from. Does he take the pill? or does he continue off into the blissful existence of not knowing? Once we know certain things, there really is no going back. Once we see the truth, it is some thing we can not turn away from.
This is all really heavy this morning so I think I will stop here and digest some breakfast and coffee. I will do so with a grateful heart as I watch my children enjoy the morning, and we watch the sun come out from behind the clouds.
Have a fantastic day.
Nicole
Last Thursday I experienced a grateful heart. The entire day I could only feel ecstatic for all the wonderful people I have had the opportunity to meet. For those I've know for a while, I am thankful to have them in my life (even if I only get to see them every one or two years).
I am blessed in so many ways, a wonderful husband, two awesome kids, a great city where I can afford to live, schools my children can attend, grand parents for my kids, family I can hang out with (even the in-laws), the ability to work, the ability to play, the ability to feed my kids. It sounds like simple things, yet it has been a week of eye-opening as I run around and realize that we sometimes take these small things for granted. I have the tendency to get up-tight and frustrated with things easily and now I sometimes ask myself WHY? Is this something that really matters? Sometimes it is, and many times it does not, and so many others it can be a learning experience for both my children and myself if I choose to just not loose my temper and recognize the opportunity.
It is hard to have a grateful heart all the time, but I want to live here more. I want to experience life from this perspective more. It has to be a choice though. I was listening to a sermon the other day and she said 'it takes no effort to find the bad, you just have to wait and it will find you. You just have to do nothing for disease to find you. There is a choice involved for finding good. You have to choose health, this needs to be a conscious decision, then there needs to be an effort and an action.' How true when you think about it.
It strikes me as interesting; I find this to be a simple truth, and yet not so simple when you realize this is a choice we make every day. In the foods we eat, it does take longer to make our food rather than buy it already done. The activities we choose, taking our kids here and there (this can also be a great thing) yet we don't make the most of this time, or we don't find the time to do the activity with them. Small choices we make every day, and some of the time it is not a conscious decision it is just a habit of convenience.
This behaviour is learned in our society. We have been taught to consume and buy and to not think much further than our own comfort. It has to be a conscious decision when we stop to re-educate ourselves. I think about the movie "The Matrix". The scene where Neo is sitting in the chair and he needs to make a decision, one he can never go back from. Does he take the pill? or does he continue off into the blissful existence of not knowing? Once we know certain things, there really is no going back. Once we see the truth, it is some thing we can not turn away from.
This is all really heavy this morning so I think I will stop here and digest some breakfast and coffee. I will do so with a grateful heart as I watch my children enjoy the morning, and we watch the sun come out from behind the clouds.
Have a fantastic day.
Nicole
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Wow...... A lesson in being there
It has been an interesting week. I was really sad to find out that a couple of friends who have been married for 15 years have decided to split up and separate.They were married a month after my husband and myself, we actually stole their wedding date, by accident (long story). There are no kids involved, a couple of dogs, a house and two adult lives.
I've decided that I think that I need to be a better friend. That this could happen and I stand by completely oblivious to it all? I am naturally naive, but here I now just feel neglect full. Not that I could have done anything at all but to not even have a clue that two close friends were in trouble? I am disappointed in my by standing behaviour and attitude.
This couple I have admired in many ways. They never minded the other had outside interests. They seemed to encourage each other in their separate interests. This is something I have admired over the years in this couple. This is all new so I probably don't and won't ever have the whole story. I don't need the story.I really just need it to know that I have to make a better effort to be a friend.
One of the running things I have said to have incorporated into my life is 'improve personal relationships', here I have previously failed. So now I will study harder. I will make more of an effort to be out there, caring and just being there when a friend needs me. Maybe even when they don't need me, just because.... that's what friends do!
There is the story of Job in the bible. There is a time in his life when all is lost, with the exception of his faith, and his friends gather around him. Allot of stupid things are said, all trying to make him feel better, but all he really needs is someone there to just be, to just be there. Nothing needs to be said, there is something to be said in not having to say something at all. Anyways, I need to put in the time to just be there. Nothing more, nothing less.
This brings to mind another situation where I was probably a bit neglect full of a dear friend by trying to be kind and not hurtful. All I can do now is pray and let them know that I am here, whenever the need arises, I am here. So that is what I will do, I will let them know I am here. Every month (every week seems stalker like) I will leave a message on their answering machine to let them know I miss them, and that is all. I won't let the situation get the better (bitter) of me. I will put the work into 'improving personal relationships'.
This is a hard lesson to look at, as I have always considered myself a really great person for a friend, but to see how I have taken my friendships for granted has once again led me to another lesson in humility. And a real eye opener to the world around me. This is not an easy thing to do, look at myself this closely inside, but after the shock of seeing those around me in such.....? Not sure what to call it, as things are seeming quite amicable right now with the separating couple.? To be so oblivious to those who have been hurting? Yes, it is time for me to step up the efforts! To go out of my way for those I love and hold dear to me.
So that is the only warning if you happen to be a friend of mine and are reading this, I love you all so dearly, you are such wonderful people, and I plan to make sure you know it!
Have a great week!
Nicole
I've decided that I think that I need to be a better friend. That this could happen and I stand by completely oblivious to it all? I am naturally naive, but here I now just feel neglect full. Not that I could have done anything at all but to not even have a clue that two close friends were in trouble? I am disappointed in my by standing behaviour and attitude.
This couple I have admired in many ways. They never minded the other had outside interests. They seemed to encourage each other in their separate interests. This is something I have admired over the years in this couple. This is all new so I probably don't and won't ever have the whole story. I don't need the story.I really just need it to know that I have to make a better effort to be a friend.
One of the running things I have said to have incorporated into my life is 'improve personal relationships', here I have previously failed. So now I will study harder. I will make more of an effort to be out there, caring and just being there when a friend needs me. Maybe even when they don't need me, just because.... that's what friends do!
There is the story of Job in the bible. There is a time in his life when all is lost, with the exception of his faith, and his friends gather around him. Allot of stupid things are said, all trying to make him feel better, but all he really needs is someone there to just be, to just be there. Nothing needs to be said, there is something to be said in not having to say something at all. Anyways, I need to put in the time to just be there. Nothing more, nothing less.
This brings to mind another situation where I was probably a bit neglect full of a dear friend by trying to be kind and not hurtful. All I can do now is pray and let them know that I am here, whenever the need arises, I am here. So that is what I will do, I will let them know I am here. Every month (every week seems stalker like) I will leave a message on their answering machine to let them know I miss them, and that is all. I won't let the situation get the better (bitter) of me. I will put the work into 'improving personal relationships'.
This is a hard lesson to look at, as I have always considered myself a really great person for a friend, but to see how I have taken my friendships for granted has once again led me to another lesson in humility. And a real eye opener to the world around me. This is not an easy thing to do, look at myself this closely inside, but after the shock of seeing those around me in such.....? Not sure what to call it, as things are seeming quite amicable right now with the separating couple.? To be so oblivious to those who have been hurting? Yes, it is time for me to step up the efforts! To go out of my way for those I love and hold dear to me.
So that is the only warning if you happen to be a friend of mine and are reading this, I love you all so dearly, you are such wonderful people, and I plan to make sure you know it!
Have a great week!
Nicole
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Feeling the road
So I had a great run this weekend! The only reason it was great is that I finished and came away with some new lessons learned. I really learn more about myself as I run, some things I would prefer to not know. But then I guess I couldn't do anything about things I don't like if I don't first admit to needing a change?
I had been training in my vibram five fingers, then on race day I gave them up for my husband to wear, and I went out in my old water shoes. This was not a smart thing to do. I didn't realize how differently you feel the road in the VFF's, as it is much closer to barefoot than a water shoe. I think this surprised me as the water shoe has what seems to be a thinner softer sole, where as the VFF's have a harder sole but one that fits much closer to the form of your foot. Moving from a water shoe to the VFF's is an easier transition than back tracking from the VFF's to the water shoe. Once one gets used to feeling the road under your feet, going back I seemed to loose my stride, the placement of my foot on the road. It matters.
It matters what road we choose to tread on. It matters that we can connect with our bodies that have been so wonderfully made. It matters that we can connect with the world around us, and the road under us.
Well if you have read a bit of this blog you may be seeing where I'm gonna go with this now.... I'm really believing that God made us wonderful, and He made our feet to do a job that they are well equipped to do. We were not made broken. In the awesome book "Born to run, a hidden tribe, super athletes, and the greatest race the world will never see" the author Christopher McDougall writes about our consumerism (or a company's greed) as part of the driving force for the creation of bigger and better shoes. He also writes about how many people felt that our evolution has gone well with the exception of our feet, which need help, according to some specialists. He then goes on to provide support and studies which prove these people wrong. To me this supports the case that God has created us perfectly. (not that we are perfect in our choices, but that is another story altogether!) God did not leave out our cushioning, He is our soft cozy place to go when we need comfort. This leads me to another thought... maybe we were meant to FEEL the road, EXPERIENCE our journey, LIVE our lives.
This is a lesson I think I will experience all week as I remember the differences of running barefoot with fitted protective covering, one that let's me feel the road and still protects me from serious injury; and one that fits loosely over me to dull the feel of the road altogether, and does not really protect me.
Above is a picture of the park where we ran. This is the trees by the zoo as we were walking back to our car after the race, what really caught my eye was the incredible colors in the trees.
Have a fantastic week!
Nicole
Nicole
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Random thoughts the night before a long run
A quote I heard last night:
"Better to be with Jesus in over your head in the deep water, than to sit comfortably on the safe shore!"
I think I will just have to trust this as I seem to get myself in over my head time and time again. Another of my favorite quotes is "Bite off more than you can chew, then chew it!" I can't recall her name at the moment, but she is a business woman in the US. This is the quote which got me to sign up for my first half marathon. After I signed up for my first half clinic I did feel over my head, now I'm feeling that again. I must enjoy it, I keep doing it to myself.
I find that I need something to motivate me, if I sign up for an event then I need to train, if there is no event there is no goal, there is no need to train. I have goals, a reason to train, a need to get in over my head. Looking forward to this month as I am looking forward to my first marathon. I will hold on dearly to some scripture as I go though.
But tomorrow is another day. Actually tomorrow is Sunday and I am excited about running another half marathon. This one I get to run with my husband, it is his first and I hope I can keep up. He just started running these last 6 months and has been doing really well. Previously he hasn't been able to run at all as his knees would usually give out after about 10 feet, so with the new stride as a barefooter he has trained for and will run his first half tomorrow. Lucky us, my running partner has girls old enough to babysit, and so we are getting the opportunity to run together. We have done a 5km, a 10km and this will be our first half! I am truly blessed!
Have a great weekend.
Nicole
"Better to be with Jesus in over your head in the deep water, than to sit comfortably on the safe shore!"
I think I will just have to trust this as I seem to get myself in over my head time and time again. Another of my favorite quotes is "Bite off more than you can chew, then chew it!" I can't recall her name at the moment, but she is a business woman in the US. This is the quote which got me to sign up for my first half marathon. After I signed up for my first half clinic I did feel over my head, now I'm feeling that again. I must enjoy it, I keep doing it to myself.
I find that I need something to motivate me, if I sign up for an event then I need to train, if there is no event there is no goal, there is no need to train. I have goals, a reason to train, a need to get in over my head. Looking forward to this month as I am looking forward to my first marathon. I will hold on dearly to some scripture as I go though.
But tomorrow is another day. Actually tomorrow is Sunday and I am excited about running another half marathon. This one I get to run with my husband, it is his first and I hope I can keep up. He just started running these last 6 months and has been doing really well. Previously he hasn't been able to run at all as his knees would usually give out after about 10 feet, so with the new stride as a barefooter he has trained for and will run his first half tomorrow. Lucky us, my running partner has girls old enough to babysit, and so we are getting the opportunity to run together. We have done a 5km, a 10km and this will be our first half! I am truly blessed!
Have a great weekend.
Nicole
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Bystanding not alowed...
I really love the sunrises and sunsets I'm getting to experience this year. I'm not sure why it is so important for me to feel that I should share it, but I do.So.... it has been a while! I've had some thoughts but I have seemed to run out of time to sit and contemplate, much less for trying to write them down. Although some things don't, or shouldn't be contemplated over too much anyways! Being a girl... well, do I need to say more? It's what we do!
This week has been interesting as I am learning to not be a bystander! I hadn't even realized what was happening as I was going through my days, then, as I'm reading a great book about how to get kids more involved with the world around them, I recognize things that we (as a society) turn our backs on. Or maybe we just stand off and watch as we patiently wait for someone else to take care of things.
Out for a nice run this weekend, my running partner and I found a smoldering pile of ashes. We contemplated how we should take care of this mess sitting in the middle of the forest. (the campfire had been on concrete at least) Could we leave it here and hope that it would be fine? What if a spark blew off and the whole forest went up? NO. We had to take care of it, actually we called to find if someone else could take care of it, and they did. It took 40 minutes out of our schedule, but if we would like to run through the forest again... it will be there! I'm glad we decided to take action and do something. The very next day I was reading the book where it talks about some of our society being more bystanders and less activist. I'm finding that when I need to ask the question "should I do some thing?" I have a problem!
Why shouldn't we do something? what is it we are afraid of? And why do I really care what someone else thinks? When it comes to doing the right thing, I don't think asking the question should even come up! I'm tired of hearing about none of us doing anything when all it really is is a bit of time. We all can not do everything but we can turn around, stop, and occasionally take action of some small sort to make things better. Pick up after our dogs, call in help to put out a fire (smoldering pile of ash) maybe it is as easy as not getting upset with our neighbours for having their names on the no-fogging list. We need to STOP being a society of bystanders!
Aside from my little experience, I also had a great feeling as someone got involved when my youngest got out of the yard the other day.He had opened the back gate of our yard and took his tricycle for a ride down the back ally and then onto the road. WOW! What an experience, to find him around the corner, my heart racing, only to find a nice couple had stopped to see if they could help him. It was nice for someone to recognize that a 3 year old shouldn't be out on the road by himself! I also learned that I need to get some locks higher up on the gate!!
The story I read about which brought me to a reality check this week was about a young woman who was raped and killed over the course of half an hour, in her neighbourhood. There were about 40 witnesses who all thought that someone else would do something and they needn't get involved. How Sad!
So a huge thank you to the couple who stopped to see if my child was okay!
And here is to getting involved....... (this is where we can all toast!)
Nicole
Thursday, March 25, 2010
another truth revealed... hmmm
So I'm not sure where this is going but I think I have a need to babble on about ......
Had an interesting time staying focused during the lecture at bible study today. Usually I have a hard time at this point as my mind wanders to what is next on my list of things to do, but today I really tried hard to focus and again failed.
I am seeing some new things, maybe not so new in belief, just new in experience? First of all I have listened to my mother talk, as well as others, about being IN the word. Sounds kinda funny eh? The more mature in the Spirit will recognize this though. I have been spending more time reading the bible, as I have decided to take part in this study group. There are readings and questions to provoke your thoughts, then you get together to share what you think each question is asking and then after, you sit and listen to a lecture on the reading. There are notes to take home and read through as well before you get into the next weeks reading. One of the biggest things I have noticed is that the more time I spend reading and researching the question as well as my beliefs, the easier it is to see truths around me.
One of these truths would be the feeding of the flesh, or maybe the not feeding. I have found it easier to avoid the things not so good for me (talking about sugar here!). For lent I decided that I would try to give up a few things to explore this tradition. Cursing (I can have a nasty mouth), refined sugar (this is hard like trying to kick a bad habit) and the ever loved chocolate. Being more into reading and trying to digest all that is there for me to consume in this great book Have found my awareness for the cursing and I am able to reign it in much better than I have ever before. James 1:26 "If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight reign on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless." That sort of hits home. As I don't consider myself religious, but I do see this word religious as spiritual, and this I do want to consider myself. James 3:10 "Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers this should not be." And so it is that I do agree with James.
Of course the chapters we have also been studying have a fair amount of information and scriptures on obedience. John 15:10 "If you keep my commandments [if you continue to obey my instructions], you will abide in My love and live on in it, just as I have obeyed My Father's commandments and live on in His love." John 14:12 "The person who has My commands and keeps them is the one who [really] loves Me;and whoever [really] loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I [too] will love him and show (reveal, manifest) Myself to him.[I will let myself be clearly seen by him and make Myself real to him.]" So there we have it. To show our love for our Father we obey, listen, as well as we can. He knows us, and He is aware of our shortcomings, and yet He loves us anyways.
I guess the concluding thought to this would be that I seem to have it on my heart to keep the cussing in check. This is one way I can honour my God and His love for me. I can show my love for Him and all He has done for me in this act. And maybe, just maybe, the love for my family in Christ will shine through just a little bit more.
There will be more on this later as I figure out more of the details as I go and explore further, but for now I am glad to have found this understanding and to have it in my heart. From there I will have it near and I will be able to call on it when in need.
Have a great night.
Had an interesting time staying focused during the lecture at bible study today. Usually I have a hard time at this point as my mind wanders to what is next on my list of things to do, but today I really tried hard to focus and again failed.
I am seeing some new things, maybe not so new in belief, just new in experience? First of all I have listened to my mother talk, as well as others, about being IN the word. Sounds kinda funny eh? The more mature in the Spirit will recognize this though. I have been spending more time reading the bible, as I have decided to take part in this study group. There are readings and questions to provoke your thoughts, then you get together to share what you think each question is asking and then after, you sit and listen to a lecture on the reading. There are notes to take home and read through as well before you get into the next weeks reading. One of the biggest things I have noticed is that the more time I spend reading and researching the question as well as my beliefs, the easier it is to see truths around me.
One of these truths would be the feeding of the flesh, or maybe the not feeding. I have found it easier to avoid the things not so good for me (talking about sugar here!). For lent I decided that I would try to give up a few things to explore this tradition. Cursing (I can have a nasty mouth), refined sugar (this is hard like trying to kick a bad habit) and the ever loved chocolate. Being more into reading and trying to digest all that is there for me to consume in this great book Have found my awareness for the cursing and I am able to reign it in much better than I have ever before. James 1:26 "If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight reign on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless." That sort of hits home. As I don't consider myself religious, but I do see this word religious as spiritual, and this I do want to consider myself. James 3:10 "Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers this should not be." And so it is that I do agree with James.
Of course the chapters we have also been studying have a fair amount of information and scriptures on obedience. John 15:10 "If you keep my commandments [if you continue to obey my instructions], you will abide in My love and live on in it, just as I have obeyed My Father's commandments and live on in His love." John 14:12 "The person who has My commands and keeps them is the one who [really] loves Me;and whoever [really] loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I [too] will love him and show (reveal, manifest) Myself to him.[I will let myself be clearly seen by him and make Myself real to him.]" So there we have it. To show our love for our Father we obey, listen, as well as we can. He knows us, and He is aware of our shortcomings, and yet He loves us anyways.
I guess the concluding thought to this would be that I seem to have it on my heart to keep the cussing in check. This is one way I can honour my God and His love for me. I can show my love for Him and all He has done for me in this act. And maybe, just maybe, the love for my family in Christ will shine through just a little bit more.
There will be more on this later as I figure out more of the details as I go and explore further, but for now I am glad to have found this understanding and to have it in my heart. From there I will have it near and I will be able to call on it when in need.
Have a great night.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
So many lessons and it seems like there just isn't enough time to take it all in before the next one lands on your shoulders like an anvil in a looney tunes cartoon!
It has been a week since the long run across lake Winnipeg was cancelled. Last Sunday it was so hard to get up and out, and then to try to be 'of good cheer'? Good cheer has been translated for me as "take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted!" in John 16:33. hmmmmm Not the mood I was in, but that is the CHOICE, right? So we made it through another personal best distance run and that accomplishment felt great, but I have to admit that it was one of the hardest runs I have had in a very long time!
I was looking forward to the challenge of doing something that others think is a bit 'out there'. I guess that's me? Trying to tackle a run across a lake with a new distance in mind to cover, relying on my Lord to get me safely to the other side. Keeping my fear in check as I go, knowing that Gods' got my back, and my feet! That was the challenge I was so looking forward to. I'm a bit of a planner, this was my plan, until the run was cancelled last Saturday afternoon. I was devastated! Completely deflated, and feeling a bit lost! I had worked through fear and struggled with the what ifs and prepared as well as I could and was looking forward to finding God as He carried me through the troubles I may have encountered.
That is not what happened.
G, my running partner, was the one to recognize that the lesson was not about getting to the end of our run, it was how to get out there when we really felt disappointed. At this point of the morning I could have easily stayed in bed. We went out with no plan of where we were going to go. Gs' husband agreed to pick us up wherever we ended up. This was not going to be our usual out and back, it was just going to be an out to see where we ended up.
Did I mention I'm a bit of a planner?
I think I smiled and said 'sounds great', although I felt a bit lost as we went (actually I didn't know where I was for some of the run, just somewhere in Winnipeg). As I look back now I feel pretty great about trying something new, but it has taken me a few days to get here. Initially I found the run hard after about 10 miles. This is about the point that we left all familiar ground and started to find trails and paths, which were unplanned, but very interesting.
I heard a sermon this week that talked about lust. "Lust" she said "happens when you can not be happy without the thing that you want." When you cannot be happy without the thing you WANT. I guess I really wanted that run. I found it so hard to find joy last Sunday, I'm not sure if it was the challenge of the run across the lake I was lusting after, the doing something others thought was crazy, or just that my plans had to change. Still working this out, but knowing that there was something in the way of my being with Christ and finding joy.... hmmmmmm. Could have been my ego not getting the boost from an incredible crazy run?.
I think I have worked most of this out, but what a week of lessons that was!
So I look forward to this week and for our run Sunday morning, and I will find joy even if my plans are cut short, or the distance is not what I would liked to have done, or if whatever else happens happens!
I wish for you all a great week!
Nicole
It has been a week since the long run across lake Winnipeg was cancelled. Last Sunday it was so hard to get up and out, and then to try to be 'of good cheer'? Good cheer has been translated for me as "take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted!" in John 16:33. hmmmmm Not the mood I was in, but that is the CHOICE, right? So we made it through another personal best distance run and that accomplishment felt great, but I have to admit that it was one of the hardest runs I have had in a very long time!
I was looking forward to the challenge of doing something that others think is a bit 'out there'. I guess that's me? Trying to tackle a run across a lake with a new distance in mind to cover, relying on my Lord to get me safely to the other side. Keeping my fear in check as I go, knowing that Gods' got my back, and my feet! That was the challenge I was so looking forward to. I'm a bit of a planner, this was my plan, until the run was cancelled last Saturday afternoon. I was devastated! Completely deflated, and feeling a bit lost! I had worked through fear and struggled with the what ifs and prepared as well as I could and was looking forward to finding God as He carried me through the troubles I may have encountered.
That is not what happened.
G, my running partner, was the one to recognize that the lesson was not about getting to the end of our run, it was how to get out there when we really felt disappointed. At this point of the morning I could have easily stayed in bed. We went out with no plan of where we were going to go. Gs' husband agreed to pick us up wherever we ended up. This was not going to be our usual out and back, it was just going to be an out to see where we ended up.
Did I mention I'm a bit of a planner?
I think I smiled and said 'sounds great', although I felt a bit lost as we went (actually I didn't know where I was for some of the run, just somewhere in Winnipeg). As I look back now I feel pretty great about trying something new, but it has taken me a few days to get here. Initially I found the run hard after about 10 miles. This is about the point that we left all familiar ground and started to find trails and paths, which were unplanned, but very interesting.
I heard a sermon this week that talked about lust. "Lust" she said "happens when you can not be happy without the thing that you want." When you cannot be happy without the thing you WANT. I guess I really wanted that run. I found it so hard to find joy last Sunday, I'm not sure if it was the challenge of the run across the lake I was lusting after, the doing something others thought was crazy, or just that my plans had to change. Still working this out, but knowing that there was something in the way of my being with Christ and finding joy.... hmmmmmm. Could have been my ego not getting the boost from an incredible crazy run?.
I think I have worked most of this out, but what a week of lessons that was!
So I look forward to this week and for our run Sunday morning, and I will find joy even if my plans are cut short, or the distance is not what I would liked to have done, or if whatever else happens happens!
I wish for you all a great week!
Nicole
Saturday, February 27, 2010
So why don't I feel better? I have given up something that I love to be more responsible about our family finances and I do not feel very good about it now at all!
I have never been good with struggling against the flesh. The last time I found something this hard was when I quit smoking. That took a long time and once I finally accomplished it, wow, I felt great.
Although this is not like smoking.... You see for just over the past year now I have been taking Taekwondo classes. My oldest was taking the classes and I thought it might be fun to see what it was like. I have so fallen in love with this sport that my interests have taken me to start looking into the sport a bit more and seeing the differences in the world of martial arts. I do not believe in fighting! I think it is wrong and violence never solves anything, using your brain is how best to get out of trouble; even better is to see it coming and then not be there at all. This I started for exercise, to help with my running, and to have fun. I found this was more than fun, good exercise and did help with running, but also fed my need for education. I enjoy learning, and feel great learning new things, and at this taekwondo school you get a new curriculum every 3 months or so. Perfect for the education junkie like me.
But now I feel the need to place this on hold and do some saving financially. I have had this post on hold for a few days and am feeling a bit better, although I haven't had to take my son to his class yet either. I still feel a bit apprehensive about going back even for that because of how I will feel being there and not being able to participate. I guess it is all about withdrawal!
I will be able to work more if needed, my husband gets to go and have some play time as well and I get a bit more with my kids. I will just have to keep all this in mind and heart as I challenge myself to give up something I so enjoy. This is where the Lords help is going to come in! I am not one to fight against what I want, usually I am fighting to do what I want, and can justify it with so many explanations.
This is stretching! This is growing! This is what it is going to take for me to see something else on a deeper level! I hope this goes fast, but I feel that it is not something I am going to get through quickly. I do pray that I recognize it when it comes though. It is nice to be able to see that it is growing me, and I have faith that God has a plan to grow and prosper me for the betterment of myself and those around me, I just don't really have a clue as to where it all may lead.
There are some ideas as to where it may lead, but nothing definite. Which is probably my problem, as I am a planner, my husband is not, and my God has his own plan, and I'm not always privy to them. So here I am placing my faith in the Lord and I will try to stay out of His way as I trust in Him and let Him do His work.
One thing I know.... stretching and growing are not comfortable!
Nicole
I have never been good with struggling against the flesh. The last time I found something this hard was when I quit smoking. That took a long time and once I finally accomplished it, wow, I felt great.
Although this is not like smoking.... You see for just over the past year now I have been taking Taekwondo classes. My oldest was taking the classes and I thought it might be fun to see what it was like. I have so fallen in love with this sport that my interests have taken me to start looking into the sport a bit more and seeing the differences in the world of martial arts. I do not believe in fighting! I think it is wrong and violence never solves anything, using your brain is how best to get out of trouble; even better is to see it coming and then not be there at all. This I started for exercise, to help with my running, and to have fun. I found this was more than fun, good exercise and did help with running, but also fed my need for education. I enjoy learning, and feel great learning new things, and at this taekwondo school you get a new curriculum every 3 months or so. Perfect for the education junkie like me.
But now I feel the need to place this on hold and do some saving financially. I have had this post on hold for a few days and am feeling a bit better, although I haven't had to take my son to his class yet either. I still feel a bit apprehensive about going back even for that because of how I will feel being there and not being able to participate. I guess it is all about withdrawal!
I will be able to work more if needed, my husband gets to go and have some play time as well and I get a bit more with my kids. I will just have to keep all this in mind and heart as I challenge myself to give up something I so enjoy. This is where the Lords help is going to come in! I am not one to fight against what I want, usually I am fighting to do what I want, and can justify it with so many explanations.
This is stretching! This is growing! This is what it is going to take for me to see something else on a deeper level! I hope this goes fast, but I feel that it is not something I am going to get through quickly. I do pray that I recognize it when it comes though. It is nice to be able to see that it is growing me, and I have faith that God has a plan to grow and prosper me for the betterment of myself and those around me, I just don't really have a clue as to where it all may lead.
There are some ideas as to where it may lead, but nothing definite. Which is probably my problem, as I am a planner, my husband is not, and my God has his own plan, and I'm not always privy to them. So here I am placing my faith in the Lord and I will try to stay out of His way as I trust in Him and let Him do His work.
One thing I know.... stretching and growing are not comfortable!
Nicole
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Lent
Well here we are. Lent. This is an interesting season in the church year. I have never much thought about it over the years. It is the forty days (not including Sundays) that we use to prepare ourselves for Easter. Easter being the Christian celebration of Jesus rising from the grave, as well the recognition of His death in place of ours.
Growing up with a multi-denominational church I have seen many different types of traditional ceremonies, as they each have a preferred way of doing communion or baptism and things of such. I don't recall allot about the forty days before being filled with too many traditions, with exception to the cedar meal on good Friday. About two years ago I was introduced to the practice of self-denial, where you choose to not do something over the forty days as a way to remember what Christ did for us, of His sacrifice for our redemption.
Two years ago it was an experiment that was much more difficult than I expected, especially with the bad habits that I've formed over the years. Some things I found myself doing even though I had said I wouldn't, and not even being aware of it. Last year I chose not to eat chocolate. PMS was not the same! I was surprised how much chocolate is a part of my life, without even realizing it. Last year towards the end of lent I found myself enjoying a cookie or something and as I took the last bite I realized that there were chocolate chips in it. I was surprised to make it that far and then suddenly forget what I had been concentrating on for so long. Immediately I started to beat myself up over it, how could I, what was I thinking, why bother continuing. Then I realized that this is a part of everyday living. Asking for forgiveness for my lack of awareness, for lack of preparation; for realizing that I can't do this all by myself.
Wow! What an eye opener.
I can't do this all on my own, I need Jesus to help me through this. I need Gods help to keep me aware, I need to be in contact with Him in order to ask for His help; I need to prepare each day with God first on my agenda. Then, each day, one by one I will accomplish my goal.
So this year it is chocolate that I've chosen to give up along with most refined sugars and cussing! I rely on chocolate to give me a sugar boost when I am tired, refined sugars are a treat I rarely deny myself, using the same excuse of being tired and needing a lift. So here I am going to choose to go to God for my lift, to go to God for my rest, and to ask for His help as I go on my way. To ask for His help as I try to follow in His way. I am very aware of the cussing I am doing and I really believe that it has been placed on my heart to be attentive to the expulsion of it from my vocabulary. Today is day two and I'm not doing well, but tomorrow is another day and I will ask for His help again and I will do better!
I also want to recognize God in my day, each day. Sunday on our long run we (my running partner and I) saw the most lovely sunrise. I felt that He placed it there just for us, it was my reward for getting up and out of bed that morning. So along the journey of self-denial to celebrate what Jesus did for me, I want to experience God and what He is doing for me each day.
Here is the sunrise:
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Week 4 LOVE
Well, I think I have procrastinated enough!
Week 4 of advent we celebrate Love.
Now this is where I have been stuck as I looked up the definition of Love in Websters' and found it as "intense affection". This seems so disappointing and I am struggling with this particular definition as it just does not do this word justice. But I am finding that with our limited English language we are very to the point and there are so many things which seem so abrupt and not properly expanded upon that meaning is lost among our words. Wikipedia gives a similar definition but goes on to expand to define the different kinds of love we say we experience. It later goes on to explain the definition of Love in different languages and cultures. This is interesting: other cultures have many words for this ONE of our words. This is so much more freeing in how to think about love and its many interpretations.
In our western culture we use this word to describe things as well as people and I think we overuse it to the point where we are desensitized to its full meaning and the potential it has to affect others. Loving an article of clothing should not be the same as loving our spouse or our children, yet this is how we refer to things in our language. A bit of exaggeration that leaves us with little meaning left.
A few years ago I heard a definition of Love that shocked me and opened my eyes to a new way of thinking about this word. It was being described as a verb! Love is an action, it is an act, a doing to someone. It is not just an intense affection, it is an act of kindness, a gesture of affection, it is work! It is something that you have to DO. To love my husband is to DO for my husband. This includes, and should be emphasized, at the times when I don't want to DO. Loving someone is not about what I want or what I will accomplish, it is about what I can DO for someone else.
This is what God has DONE for us. He loves us so much that He came to us and let us torture and kill his only son, and he continued to show us his love by then forgiving us. All the while continuing to DO for us, provide for us, and loving us.
This is what we celebrate in the fourth week of advent. God loving us so much that He extends his mercy and grace over us to invite us to become one of His children.
Wow
Week 4 of advent we celebrate Love.
Now this is where I have been stuck as I looked up the definition of Love in Websters' and found it as "intense affection". This seems so disappointing and I am struggling with this particular definition as it just does not do this word justice. But I am finding that with our limited English language we are very to the point and there are so many things which seem so abrupt and not properly expanded upon that meaning is lost among our words. Wikipedia gives a similar definition but goes on to expand to define the different kinds of love we say we experience. It later goes on to explain the definition of Love in different languages and cultures. This is interesting: other cultures have many words for this ONE of our words. This is so much more freeing in how to think about love and its many interpretations.
In our western culture we use this word to describe things as well as people and I think we overuse it to the point where we are desensitized to its full meaning and the potential it has to affect others. Loving an article of clothing should not be the same as loving our spouse or our children, yet this is how we refer to things in our language. A bit of exaggeration that leaves us with little meaning left.
A few years ago I heard a definition of Love that shocked me and opened my eyes to a new way of thinking about this word. It was being described as a verb! Love is an action, it is an act, a doing to someone. It is not just an intense affection, it is an act of kindness, a gesture of affection, it is work! It is something that you have to DO. To love my husband is to DO for my husband. This includes, and should be emphasized, at the times when I don't want to DO. Loving someone is not about what I want or what I will accomplish, it is about what I can DO for someone else.
This is what God has DONE for us. He loves us so much that He came to us and let us torture and kill his only son, and he continued to show us his love by then forgiving us. All the while continuing to DO for us, provide for us, and loving us.
This is what we celebrate in the fourth week of advent. God loving us so much that He extends his mercy and grace over us to invite us to become one of His children.
Wow
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