So why don't I feel better? I have given up something that I love to be more responsible about our family finances and I do not feel very good about it now at all!

I have never been good with struggling against the flesh. The last time I found something this hard was when I quit smoking. That took a long time and once I finally accomplished it, wow, I felt great.

Although this is not like smoking.... You see for just over the past year now I have been taking Taekwondo classes. My oldest was taking the classes and I thought it might be fun to see what it was like. I have so fallen in love with this sport that my interests have taken me to start looking into the sport a bit more and seeing the differences in the world of martial arts. I do not believe in fighting! I think it is wrong and violence never solves anything, using your brain is how best to get out of trouble; even better is to see it coming and then not be there at all. This I started for exercise, to help with my running, and to have fun. I found this was more than fun, good exercise and did help with running, but also fed my need for education. I enjoy learning, and feel great learning new things, and at this taekwondo school you get a new curriculum every 3 months or so. Perfect for the education junkie like me.

But now I feel the need to place this on hold and do some saving financially. I have had this post on hold for a few days and am feeling a bit better, although I haven't had to take my son to his class yet either. I still feel a bit apprehensive about going back even for that because of how I will feel being there and not being able to participate. I guess it is all about withdrawal!

I will be able to work more if needed, my husband gets to go and have some play time as well and I get a bit more with my kids. I will just have to keep all this in mind and heart as I challenge myself to give up something I so enjoy. This is where the Lords help is going to come in! I am not one to fight against what I want, usually I am fighting to do what I want, and can justify it with so many explanations.

This is stretching! This is growing! This is what it is going to take for me to see something else on a deeper level! I hope this goes fast, but I feel that it is not something I am going to get through quickly. I do pray that I recognize it when it comes though. It is nice to be able to see that it is growing me, and I have faith that God has a plan to grow and prosper me for the betterment of myself and those around me, I just don't really have a clue as to where it all may lead.

There are some ideas as to where it may lead, but nothing definite. Which is probably my problem, as I am a planner, my husband is not, and my God has his own plan, and I'm not always privy to them. So here I am placing my faith in the Lord and I will try to stay out of His way as I trust in Him and let Him do His work.

One thing I know.... stretching and growing are not comfortable!

Nicole

Lent

Well here we are. Lent. This is an interesting season in the church year. I have never much thought about it over the years. It is the forty days (not including Sundays) that we use to prepare ourselves for Easter. Easter being the Christian celebration of Jesus rising from the grave, as well the recognition of His death in place of ours.

Growing up with a multi-denominational church I have seen many different types of traditional ceremonies, as they each have a preferred way of doing communion or baptism and things of such. I don't recall allot about the forty days before being filled with too many traditions, with exception to the cedar meal on good Friday. About two years ago I was introduced to the practice of self-denial, where you choose to not do something over the forty days as a way to remember what Christ did for us, of His sacrifice for our redemption.

Two years ago it was an experiment that was much more difficult than I expected, especially with the bad habits that I've formed over the years. Some things I found myself doing even though I had said I wouldn't, and not even being aware of it. Last year I chose not to eat chocolate. PMS was not the same! I was surprised how much chocolate is a part of my life, without even realizing it. Last year towards the end of lent I found myself enjoying a cookie or something and as I took the last bite I realized that there were chocolate chips in it. I was surprised to make it that far and then suddenly forget what I had been concentrating on for so long. Immediately I started to beat myself up over it, how could I, what was I thinking, why bother continuing. Then I realized that this is a part of everyday living. Asking for forgiveness for my lack of awareness, for lack of preparation; for realizing that I can't do this all by myself.

Wow! What an eye opener.

I can't do this all on my own, I need Jesus to help me through this. I need Gods help to keep me aware, I need to be in contact with Him in order to ask for His help; I need to prepare each day with God first on my agenda. Then, each day, one by one I will accomplish my goal.

So this year it is chocolate that I've chosen to give up along with most refined sugars and cussing! I rely on chocolate to give me a sugar boost when I am tired, refined sugars are a treat I rarely deny myself, using the same excuse of being tired and needing a lift. So here I am going to choose to go to God for my lift, to go to God for my rest, and to ask for His help as I go on my way. To ask for His help as I try to follow in His way. I am very aware of the cussing I am doing and I really believe that it has been placed on my heart to be attentive to the expulsion of it from my vocabulary. Today is day two and I'm not doing well, but tomorrow is another day and I will ask for His help again and I will do better!

I also want to recognize God in my day, each day. Sunday on our long run we (my running partner and I) saw the most lovely sunrise. I felt that He placed it there just for us, it was my reward for getting up and out of bed that morning. So along the journey of self-denial to celebrate what Jesus did for me, I want to experience God and what He is doing for me each day.

Here is the sunrise: