So why don't I feel better? I have given up something that I love to be more responsible about our family finances and I do not feel very good about it now at all!

I have never been good with struggling against the flesh. The last time I found something this hard was when I quit smoking. That took a long time and once I finally accomplished it, wow, I felt great.

Although this is not like smoking.... You see for just over the past year now I have been taking Taekwondo classes. My oldest was taking the classes and I thought it might be fun to see what it was like. I have so fallen in love with this sport that my interests have taken me to start looking into the sport a bit more and seeing the differences in the world of martial arts. I do not believe in fighting! I think it is wrong and violence never solves anything, using your brain is how best to get out of trouble; even better is to see it coming and then not be there at all. This I started for exercise, to help with my running, and to have fun. I found this was more than fun, good exercise and did help with running, but also fed my need for education. I enjoy learning, and feel great learning new things, and at this taekwondo school you get a new curriculum every 3 months or so. Perfect for the education junkie like me.

But now I feel the need to place this on hold and do some saving financially. I have had this post on hold for a few days and am feeling a bit better, although I haven't had to take my son to his class yet either. I still feel a bit apprehensive about going back even for that because of how I will feel being there and not being able to participate. I guess it is all about withdrawal!

I will be able to work more if needed, my husband gets to go and have some play time as well and I get a bit more with my kids. I will just have to keep all this in mind and heart as I challenge myself to give up something I so enjoy. This is where the Lords help is going to come in! I am not one to fight against what I want, usually I am fighting to do what I want, and can justify it with so many explanations.

This is stretching! This is growing! This is what it is going to take for me to see something else on a deeper level! I hope this goes fast, but I feel that it is not something I am going to get through quickly. I do pray that I recognize it when it comes though. It is nice to be able to see that it is growing me, and I have faith that God has a plan to grow and prosper me for the betterment of myself and those around me, I just don't really have a clue as to where it all may lead.

There are some ideas as to where it may lead, but nothing definite. Which is probably my problem, as I am a planner, my husband is not, and my God has his own plan, and I'm not always privy to them. So here I am placing my faith in the Lord and I will try to stay out of His way as I trust in Him and let Him do His work.

One thing I know.... stretching and growing are not comfortable!

Nicole